Polka Dotted Awkwardness

So, I decided a couple months ago that I needed to get professional pictures done. This idea was brought on by the fact that every time I would look over at the missionary wall in my ward I would always catch myself thinking:

"Wow, that brick wall is really unflattering behind Sister So-and-so."

"Did they try and make Elder You-know-who look like he's radioactive?"

"Hmmm... why is Sister Goodie-two-shoes face stretched out like that?"

Obviously I had no choice, right? My mom said that I was being shallow. But the only shallow thing I saw were those poor missionaries complexions. I bet if I gave them the opportunity to right the wrongs of their poor missionary plaques. They would. Thus, I acted. And these are the wonderfully awkward and semi better looking than posing in front of a brick wall results.

"The Crazy Eyes" a term coined by my Sister who says I will scare all potential investigators instantly. I unfortunately agree.

And I quote, "Press it against your heart, honey." Well target photographer lady, this is the result. Thanks for this gem of awkwardness caught on camera.

No comment. Okay fine, I'll comment. I hated this picture when I was posing for it. And then when I saw it on film, I hated it even more. To give you an idea of how much I hate it--I hate it even more than Cade Christensen.

Wow. I'm hoping i'll be on the next pass-a-long card.

Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse: it does.

And finally, the winner that will go on the plaque. Although, I'm debating whether I should just conform and go for the brick wall.

Snow, snow, go away. No, really... I'm serious. Go away!

Dear Winter,

I love you. I really do. We've known each other for a long time now, and I feel like we've been through a lot. I've met a lot of friends through you--frosty the snowman in particular has become a great pal. But, you've really got to stop bringing along your friends blustery and bone chilling. They kind of crash the party.

Lovingly yours,

Kenzie

DuR Durr DuRR

Dear clothing folded on top of my dresser,

I am not going to put you away. So. Please take the initiative and slide in the drawers yourself. Please.

Dear frost on my window in the morning,

Don't you know that it isn't winter yet? I'm not sure you got the memo. If not, here it is. Go away.

Dear Food Channel,

I love you. Mostly because you fill my head with sugar plums and 100 million ways to decorate a cupcake. Where else would I learn that? On TLC? No--because on TLC I only learn how much Jon and Kate hate each other. Which is sad. And depressing. And not cupcake uplifting.

Dear New Zealand,

Why are you making me go to the Dr. so much? I don't like the doctor. You know it's bad when even nurses start to recognize you. Mostly because it took me three times on three different days to give a urine sample because I couldn't pee on demand. Sorry. It's not one of my talents. And if it were, just FYI. I wouldn't hide it under a bushel.

Dear Book of Mormon,

I love turning your crisp thin pages. And finding little messages I wrote to myself from when I went to seminary. You are one of my greatest friends. I'm sorry I ignored you for so long.

Dear hairstylist who cut my hair too short,

You really did cut my hair too short. I didn't have the heart to tell you because you worked really hard. But, in truth... you said half of an inch. Not three.

Dear mailbox,

You bring me more joy than you'll ever know. And my mom more sorrow than you'd ever like to know. Mostly because you only bring her bills.

Dear anyone who dared to read this whole post,

I appreciate your endurance.

Ah Hem... Awkward...

Today,

Is a beautiful day, isn't it?

I've just been chilling as of late. Hiding away from the neighborhood before they come with their pitchforks and torches in outrage because my dogs killed the bishops cat. No. I'm just kidding.

Mostly.

Actually I've been really sick. Like in that--keep her three feet away from me at all times--kind of sick. It's kind of nice though because I don't have to give awkward hugs anymore or shake anyones sweaty palms. All I have to do is hang up my hands in defeat and shrug, "I'm sick!" And then it's okay.

Being sick is the only way to get out of those kinds of things. Somehow saying things like, "You know, I don't really like hugging." Or the good old, "I'm actually morally opposed to patting each other half heartedly on the back," doesn't work.

I'm actually formulating a plan to be sick all the time so that when someone goes in for an awkward hug I'll never have to endure it again! It's such a dark and evil plan isn't it? But really it is for the good of everyone I've ever had to awkwardly hug. So... in honor of giving up awkward hugs. Here are a few examples of the awkward hugs I've given and also received. I've even captioned them for you!

The classic Tummy Hug. Added plus, the awkward rubbing of hands on back.

The Chinney Chin Chin. Unfortunately, we've all been victims of this hug where the chin either rests or digs into the shoulder of the recipient. Added plus in this, the green man sweater.

The man hug. Mostly done in sports when athletes try and reach out to congratulate one another but sometimes just ends up being strange. In fact, Kobe thinks it's so inappropriate he even turned the cheek. Burn.

The One Armed Hug. Only acceptable if you legitimately really only have one arm. Otherwise it just turns out like this. As you can see George Bush is practically calling out for help. Can you blame him?

The pained expression says it all, doesn't it? So next time you think about going in for one of these... remember... you could always be "sick" and save yourself the trouble. Think about it.

Sunday Mornings

So.... there is something about Sunday Mornings that are just calming--you know besides those one Sunday mornings when the whole family is running around trying to shower and find their shoes. Okay fine, that might just be me. But then, there are those certain Sunday mornings where everything is peaceful. And the sun is shining. And all the neighbors are hiding away in their houses because well.. it's sunday morning. And everyone knows that you should just hide away and eat french toast and watch HGTV. At least. That's what my family does.

And so today. Was one of those mornings. We finished eating breakfast and watching our HGTV. And I was just browsing the internet looking for cute missionary clothes/shoes/raincoats (which is yet to happen) and then I read this blog my friend told me about. The NieNie Dialogues. And... I have to say. It's beautiful. And it's amazing. And I am so ridiculously amazed at how strong and faithful people are.

It truly inspired me.

And I just thought I'd share that because it really made me think. About life. About enjoying life. And being grateful for all the little things in life.

So uh, hey life.

I just wanted you to know...

I'm grateful for you.

I'm even grateful for all the little things I complain about--like how my sister steals my purses RIGHT under my nose without asking. Or even how uptight and ridiculous all the post office workers were when I TRIED to get my passport. And okay, I'll even stop complaining about how my dogs bark waaaay too early in the morning.

Even though its reeeeealllly early.

So there you have i

Goodbye Summer. You are very warm and bright.

Dear Summer,

You are gone now. And yet, I never feel like I got to say a real, good, awe-inspiring goodbye. Maybe next year I always think... there is always next year. To squeeze in all those great adventures we had planned, all the laughs that should have filled the warm salty days. I suppose we had a good time--you and I--as you sprinkled my cheeks with sunshine and we watched the watermelons grow big and the children sell lemonaide at the corner. You know the ones? Those silly children who love you too much--who wait with eager anticipation for you to come every year and have way too much fun running through sprinklers and not doing homework.

I love the way that you light up a room. The way you wake me up too early and make me stay out way too late. The way that the crickets chirp when the cool night air hits and how the fireflies dance at twilight. The way the mailbox always feels warm when I open the lid and get letters from my grandma. Mostly, I will miss your hot breath on my neck. The way the flowers grow happily in their window boxes. And you. Just being with you. Passing the days together--reading a good book, or laying by the pool. Watching the rain pitter patter down my window pane. And listening to the clouds gather together and make a commotion. I will miss wearing my green rain coat. Mostly because it is the color of freshly mown lawn. And lime popsicles.

I suppose what I am trying to say is... don't be gone long, okay? We all miss you. Especially those children who no longer run through sprinklers and are doing too much homework. And especially me. Who is wondering when the leaves will fall, the snow will melt, and the flowers will bloom once again.