Hello... is it me you're looking for?

Soooooo..... I know it's been awhile.

And, you know-- weirdly... it's like meeting up with an old friend you pretty much stopped talking to for one reason or another. Sort of awkward. And what to say.

Me: "I've been really busy. I'm sorry."

Blog: (because we all know how much I love to talk to inanimate objects) "You could have written. One word. ANYTHING. It would have been nice."

Me: "Well.... I thought about it."

Blog: "You thought? My sole purpose is to be here for your thoughts, what else!?"

Me: "Why are you so obsessed with my life?"

Blog: "Because you made me this way."

And it's true. I did make it that way. A whole web page devoted to me and my really, not so exciting life as of late! And I never write. And yet, I don't delete it. I just let my old, dated thoughts, float around aimlessly possibly waiting for someone to stumble upon them and declare, "Wow, she really does talk to inanimate objects a lot."

In truth, I have been a bad friend-- if blogs were friends that is. But look-- they listen, they do whatever you tell them. You can make them really cute. And they never forget the things you've told them, no matter how long you forget to visit them.

So dear blog, thanks for always being there for me. Even if, I haven't been the best at staying in touch.

And as for an update on my incredibly amazingly awesome life-- insert sarcasm here--I'm trying this new thing.

Where, I try to take opportunities that come. Where I go after things I've always wanted. And where I let go of my fear of failure. I've realized that if I ever expect to have the life that I want-- I have to put myself out there. I have to take action. I have to go, and do (oh nephi, it really was great advice)...

Anyways, so I'm doing this thing. This thing to make me a better person. A person who is happier. Because happiness doesn't always just come to you--sometimes you have to go out and find it.

Me: "So that's what's going on in my life right now."

Blog: "Awesome. I took notes, in case you want to come back and read them later."

:)

Aotearoa

Just some pretty pictures from my land of the long white cloud..... Enjoy. It's even better in person. But don't take my word for it.

inanimate objects

Can I tell you something? When I was little... I used to dream about becoming a famous singer like Britney Spears. And although the little me-- didn't know that would eventually mean becoming sort of crazy and shaving off all my hair at one point-- I fully believed that I would become whatever I dreamed.

Then I dreamed that I would become a famous writer one day. And that dream, my friends, has stuck with me for most of life. I love writing. I love words. And I love the way those words fit on a page and create life out of something that has long been lifeless. From the beautiful tree, to the piece of wood it was chopped into, and then to the lifeless and plain box of paper it was turned into. No one would believe that box of paper was once alive, but it was once a PART of life. I like to think it remembers what it feels like to breath and exist.  So when our words spread across its surface it begins to breath and exist again in the words of our stories and suddenly it happens-- life exists again.

And so--- in the wise words of the Lion King--it is the circle of life. To live and die. I started to wonder (especially after my embarrassing Britney Spears confession) how many times our dreams live. And die. And then receive new life again, in new dreams or refocused passions.

I feel like some of my dreams have died along the way... more than just the dreams of becoming a rock star like Britney. Just like that box of paper that yearns for the pulse of life again... I can feel it pushing inside my chest. My dreams. They want so much to come out and live again, but somehow I'm afraid to let them live for fear of them dying.

I feel so confused about what I want right now. And I've tried to be patient and just let time settle over me... but the truth is. The more time that passes, the more pressure I have in my chest from the dream chasers inside of me. They are pushing me different directions, they contradict one other, are halfway around the world from one another, and also right next door. If I let them live, could I withstand the pain of seeing them die? I don't really know the answer to that question. Maybe I'll just hang a dream catcher over my bed and call it a night.